Welcome. I presume you’re reading this because you have become entangled in the life and mind of a Feral Lady. Well firstly, congratulations – your life might never be the same again. Secondly, good luck – because your life might never be the same again. Fear not! I’m writing this because in my heart of hearts I want this to work for you and I feel we can all work together to successfully support strong, badass women.
1. We will probably cancel plans for the right wind, an epic surf or a dry crag.
Don’t take it personally – It’s been happening way before you came along. The adrenaline hit we get after a big adventure is SO much more attractive than an evening in at the movies (sorry). And whilst we’re on that note…
2. Don’t take us out on boring dates.
Seriously. Dinner and the movies were exciting when we were 15 but who has the time for that anymore? Take us trampolining or on a hike to a gorgeous wild swimming spot or grab a tonne of blankets and take us stargazing for a night. Also, please don’t wait for us to ask. Just take us – I promise you that’s an attractive quality.
3. We might smell really bad 60% of the time.
I don’t know what it is. It’s a mix of feet, sweat, chalk, dirt and mildew. When I go out on a multi day hike I don’t take any moisturizer, deodorant, shampoo or soap; It doesn’t keep me alive so it only counts as excess weight in my backpack (Don’t worry – I am super clean when I am back in civilization).
4. We are very open all of the time.
Maybe too much for some social situations – please tell us in advance if we are going to the kind of place where I can’t talk about how to make a pair of underwear last 3 days on a long hike (some people don’t get it). I spend a lot of time on my own so I am very comfortable talking about the things that other people find distasteful – I will also find you boring if you are unwilling to converse with me on such topics.
5. We don’t need you.
I see it all the time – couples break up and more often than not the heart broken party ends up going off the rails because they do not know any other way to fill the void you just left. Uugh. I’m over that. I have spent a very long time listening to my true needs and building myself on those. My lungs need to breathe fresh air, my legs need steep mountains and my skin craves the icy shock of wild waters. On top of that I also know how to change a lightbulb, rewire a plug and change the tire on a car. So baby, don’t let your ego get the better of you, if you decide to leave we will be fine – promise.
6. It would be helpful if we have at least one hobby in common.
But the more the merrier! I can almost guarantee that you are around because we met in a climbing centre or on the beach or on an amazing expedition – if this is the case them please keep doing these things with us. It’s important. The bonds we’ll create when we’re together in the fresh air are stronger than any we can build being sat on a couch all day. That being said…
7. I will want to do stuff on my own sometimes.
And that’s a good thing – I promise. I have learned to love myself and treat myself properly and it will help me love you better too. You don’t have to do EVERYTHING I do. Sometimes I appreciate the peace and quiet that solidarity brings- we don’t always get the luxury of that in our day to day lives.
8. We will get bored by ‘normal’ social situations.
I don’t like clubs, pubs and bars. I don’t have time to spend an entire day hungover and feeling sorry for myself – I’m over it. I also don’t enjoy being in a situation where I have to shout at people for them to hear me; I’d much rather have good conversation on a walk or over a home cooked meal. It’s absolutely fine if that’s how you choose to spend your time but just know that I will find a valid excuse to not come along 95% of the time (a hot yoga session, dog videos, a warm bath and having to repack my backpack for the weekend are ALL valid excuses).
9. We will spend 80% of our wages on really good gear.
I’m not expecting you to take me to really fancy dinners (although if you’re offering to cook one night? That’s pretty hot), so don’t expect me to do the same. I will panic at the thought of spending over £50 on a meal (for the two of us!) but I will not freak out about buying a £300 down jacket (as long as it’s a considered purchase!).
10. Our lives will still be a success if we do not get married.
I have so very many big goals; like let’s climb all the highest peaks in Europe, let’s go deep sea diving with whale sharks, let’s go live in Vietnam for a month, let’s go submerge ourselves in the rainforest for as long as we possibly can. I have so many plans that I would love for you to be a part of; however marriage to me is not the ultimate goal.
11. A mortgage is unlikely.
You need to be open to the idea of living in a van, or a yurt, or an A-frame cabin in a Redwood forest… but a house in the suburbs? I’ll leave that dream for someone else.
12. My hands and feet are gross.
I climb and hike a LOT, because of this my hands and feet will never be soft, they will never be pretty and they will never be nail varnished. Speaking of which…
13. We hardly ever wear make-up.
I may be speaking for myself here, but I have never learnt to contour I don’t know how to make my eyebrows look ‘on fleek’ (?!), I’m not really sure what primer is and honestly, I do not have the patience to learn. It’s all about how beautiful you are on the inside though, right? Oh, you should probably also get used to people telling me I look sick/tired all the time. There’s no need to defend me though – it doesn’t actually bother me at all.
Well, I hope that’s helped someone out there! Of course, this won’t be accurate for every wild woman out there. We’re all weird in our own ways.
If you think of any more points then pop them in the comments below!